CALGARY, Alberta – Roughly 4 dozen geologists were arrested this weekend for disturbing the peace, property damage, uttering obscenities, and ransacking several booths at the 2014 Calgary Home Show.
A number of eye witnesses reported that several hundred geologists showed up in full khaki and Tilley hats for what turned out to be a conference that had nothing to do with rocks. Instead, it was a workshop on home and basement renovation and artistic design.
The geologists claimed that the Basement Feature workshop was misleading, not to mention the Sandstone display had everything to do with matching your furniture, and nothing to do with a reservoir. After 45 minutes of stewing over this injustice, the geological armada of nerdiness and nonsensical gibberish began to yell and toss things. The physical and violent rioting broke out at a Tupperware booth that was operated by Selma Fadgehiddi.
“The men were very angry and violent. The women, well I think they were women, were even worse. They were also swearing a lot and calling people names. I was scared for my life. Some of them even had little laser lenses they were pointing at me and they brandished these little hammers and containers filled with acid!” – Selma Fadgehiddi
The excitement was brought to an end when the Calgary Tactical Unit implemented a pepper spray/rubber bullet combo to subdue the angry rock sniffers before any bodily harm was inflicted on bystanders and witnesses.
BMO Centre facility representatives have estimated the damage at over $450,000, and personal lawsuits will be filed to reclaim the costs from the geological horde responsible.
“We got an email that spread like wildfire, and we were very excited to go to a seminar dealing with basement features, fractures, and heat flow regimes. It was a very enticing seminar, and I think at least 120 geologists were registered. We show up, and no rocks. Just stupid home decorating tips and people trying to tell me how to use old drilling mud additive palettes to make tables. What a waste of time. I could have been mapping!” – Johnathon Wetterundy, Chief Geologist at Tiredass Oil.
Representatives from the home show declined to comment on the spectacle of mineralized rage since legal action is pending. Inspection and photos taken by 2P News photographer Kent Likkiskok revealed that the damage was what one would expect from a geologist – not very much.