redford tank
Alison Redford

CALGARY, Alberta – Winter of 2013-2014 has left record-breaking volumes of snow in the Rocky Mountains, and with warmer weather around the corner, everyone in Alberta is hoping for the best while preparing for the worst.

And speaking of the worst, soon-to-be former Premier of Alberta Alison Redford has had a group of engineers and scientists working through the winter to devise a preventative solution to property damage should the flooding occur again.

When her urban-jackup plan failed to increase her public approval rating, the Redford government went back to the drawing board and the team got out its crayons.  A new plan was devised by Calgary area engineer, Neal Tokalotch, principal at We Solve It Good Engineering Inc.

Neal Tokalotch, P.Eng.

We were disappointed when our plan to install jack-up assemblies in each house fell through, but we moved on.  Alison was very supportive.  She helped us think outside the box, or inside as the case was.

We have devised a plan to put standard oilfield storage tanks in all neighborhoods, and if a flood occurs, we flip on 300-400 pumps, and fill the tanks with the water to protect houses.  Simple and easy.  It may not look very pretty, but we can let kids paint the tank over the years.  Whatever it takes. – Neal Tokalotch, P.Eng.

The plan has already been budgeted based on quotes from several industrial tank fabricators in Alberta and Saskatchewan.  Pumps could be sourced from China at an affordable price, but it would likely require Mrs. Redford to travel to China for a few days and see the product demo in person, adding roughly $60,000 to the final price.

According to documents released by the Province’s press secretary this morning, the plan is to install the 5000 bbl tanks in and around existing residential and commercial developments.  There is a slight possibility every 3rd or 4th house will need to be appropriated and torn down to make room for the tanks in densely populated areas such as Bowness and Hillhurst, but even Mayor Nenshi is on board with that if it saves the rest of the city.

His highness, Mr. Nenshi

Like Spock said, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of you.  Or something like that.  Whatever.

I’ll hold a twitter referendum and see if I can get enough support to backup this proposal.  I do think we should use clear tanks though, and gold fish and Koy for aesthetics.  We could create several jobs for fish feeders if we did that. – Calgary’s favourite Mayor, Naheed Nenshi

engineering girl
Carly Barsoon, WSIE


A spokesperson for We Solve It Good Engineering also told 2P News reporters that the water would eventually be pumped back out if need be, or could be sold to impoverished nations like Uganda or the USA as wash water.

We know that there are many nations in crisis right now, and if we could provide a relatively easy, reasonably inexpensive source of somewhat cleaner water for them, we could help everyone. – Carly Barsoon, WSIE






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