FORT ST. JOHN, British Columbia – A geologist working in northern British Columbia has been treated in hospital after a moose allegedly assaulted him between his drilling location and the rig’s camp.

Zepher Antwass, formerly of Great Britain, was headed to camp for lunch when he became aware of a bull moose in the treeline along the road. Zepher tried to outrun the aggravated animal, but tripped and fell into the ditch, where he claims he was assaulted by the moose. Sexually.

Zepher Antwass on a previous drilling location.  Happy happy happy.
Zepher Antwass on a previous drilling location. Happy happy happy.

I spent 4 days in hospital after this attack, and no one believes me.  They all say moose don’t do that kind of thing, but it happened, and I don’t care what they say. That moose was rubbing his antlers on my, well, down there, and licking me all over, it was gross and very scary. He was kicking at me trying to get me to roll over, and I know what he wanted.

I froze, his antlers were so big, I am sure if I had moved I would be dead. Eventually, when he knew I wouldn’t give it up, he left. I crawled up onto the road until the crew found me. – Dr. Antwass outside the Dawson Creek Regional Health Center

While wildlife attacks are not unheard of in these areas, there is very little to substantiate a sexual assault by a moose, let alone on a human.  Moose in the wild will mate and fight and do as they do.  Involving a human beings is a whole new level of strange that just about never appears in nature’s kingdom.

2P News’ field correspondent Rodecker Smith met with a local Fish & Wildelife officer to discuss the scenario, and the feasibility of Zepher Antwass’ claims.

Craig Kitsdrag, F&W, NCAB
Craig Kitsdrag, F&W, NCAB

I don’t see a moose romantically assaulting a man.  I just can’t imagine that big, grunting, slobbering animal wanting anything to do with him.  Did he smell like a moose? Was he covered with salt?  Something made the moose take an interest, but it sure wasn’t anything to do with the moose being horny. – Craig Kitsdrag, F&W, NCAB

While Zepher has returned to the drill site, he has largely been ostracized by the crews and other support staff. He alleges the drilling crews now call him Zepher Antler-Ass, and the directional drillers won’t stop making grunting noises whenever he comes to get surveys or MWD gamma.

The operator of the location, Wilder & Wilder Exploration, is looking for a replacement well site geologist to take over for Dr. Antwass while he returns to Calgary to seek therapy and counseling for the incident.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here