CSIS headquarters, also known as the Triangle of Trust

OTTAWA, Canada – Last Sunday in its Farm and Livestock Section, the Edmonton Herald-Bloviator broke the story that an obscure Calgary-based website, 2pnews.com (also known as 2P News) is actually a tool of the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS).

The website publishes stories about the oil and gas industry with occasional forays into Canadian politics. The concept of the operation was to present outrageous stories with not a speck of truth to them and then monitor responses from readers.  Anyone who believed anything in the stories was judged either a dangerous psychopath or a total moron.

CSIS special agent Miles Dickinhur explains,

Well heck, we’re sorry to see our cover blown.  We dreamed this up over a couple of cases of Moosepeace and were just starting to get some results. Of course, it was the dangerous psychopaths we were trying to identify.  They might do something dangerous and put a lot of Canadian people in danger. 

So could the total morons but they usually just hurt themselves. – Miles Dickinhur, P.Agent.

Special Agent Miles Dickinhur
Special Agent Miles Dickinhur

The agent said that CSIS also used the website to send coded messages to its agents in foreign nations such as Russia, China and Quebec.  Agent Dickinhur continued, “Nobody would pick up on that in a million years!”

In the course of its investigation, the Herald-Bloviator found a number of strange entries in the “comments” section on the website that were in no known language, not even French, or made absolutely no sense.  Reporter Tella Wauper, who wrote the story, quoted a comment from September 19, 2014 that read:

As an owner of a ferret for 18 years, she has a wealth of knowledge

that she like s to share with others. If your dog

is still a puppy then chances are introducing the two would

go pretty smooth. re one of those weird pets that only the strange and lonely have, aren.

Ms. Wauper added, “This is so f#*ked up that it has to be a secret message full of code words. OK, so maybe not.  Maybe it’s from one of the total morons.  Hey, this is my story, not yours!”

The website’s two founders, Darcy Flowman and Antoine McGuilicuddy, denied that CSIS had anything to do with their creation. They claim to be shocked to find that their website had been subsumed by CSIS in the search for terrorists.

“Shit,” said Flowman, “If it had been CSI it would have been cool, I love that show, but CSIS?  Never!  Think about it.  Canadian.  Security.  Intelligence.  Service.  Mutually exclusive terms if there ever were any!”



Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here