BREAKING NEWS! Jason Kenney challenges Justin Trudeau to a bull-riding contest at the 2019 Calgary Stampede! Click here for more.
Calgary, Alberta – Every year the Stampede draws visitors from all over the world. And every year there are new refreshments created to represent everything the Stampede and Alberta stands for. 2019 is no different, and 2P News has created a list of our top 10 beverages for the event.
- The Lazy Roughneck: This intoxicating, sludgy mix of maple syrup and Baileys Irish Cream will take even the most active individual and lay them out on a nearby couch or sidewalk. 3 parts Aunt Jemima, 3 parts Baileys, 2 parts chocolate milk and shaken over ice.
- Engineer in Paradise: When engineers pour drinks, they don’t slack off. 2.34 ounces of vodka, 3.4678 ounces of Malibu Rum, 1.73 grams of refined white sugar, 4.09 ounces of cranberry juice, and 0.37 ounces of lemon juice. (good luck making it perfectly outside of a lab)
- A Politicians Punishment: Albertans are tired of liars and cheats in politics, so we came up with a punishment. 4 ounces of Everclear, mixed with 2 ounces of soured milk, slightly shaken with soy sauce and poured through a funnel into your enemies. (we bought one for Darcy and he got 3 steps before he passed out in a puddle of yuck)
- The Neverending Merger: A specialty of Drillers Gastropub, and a clever take on an old classic. A cowboy hat fitted with a tube on each side streams whiskey and ginger ale into a delicious constant merger of “more”, fed from the gigantic storage tanks above the bar. Drillers has 30 hats available and the drinks are always chilled to perfection. The Neverending Merger is billed at $2.00 per minute.
- Geologist on the Rocks: Raw and unadulterated “get rocked” in a glass. Bookers bourbon, Krakken spiced rum, Grey Goose vodka, and Dr. Pepper mixed in equal parts in as large of a glass as you can find, over plenty of ice. Everyone will be identifying the bedding after 4 of these!
- The Empty Reservoir: Created by Marilou Agton at the Stellar Skylounge, this ones a sour placebo for the recovering amongst Stampede goers. Ice and salt water in a pitcher with just a splash of dark soda to imitate remnant oil in an water flood. Useless, expensive, and does nothing except circulate water through your plumbing.
- The Nenshi: Well not all of our favorites could be oil and gas related. The Neshi is a mystery drink served at Cowtippers and TexMex Lounge. It’s expensive, purple, and no one really knows what it does. The kicker is if you order one, it gets billed to the taxpayers of Calgary.
- The Remediator: Intended as a breakfast starter for the second, third, or fourth day of Stampeding, it’ll rev you back up and refresh you for another day of debauchery. Equal parts of Spicy Clamato, lemon juice, and vodka, blended to a smoothy with kale, garlic, oregano oil, Tylenol and ginger root. Served for $15 per drink at several of the hot dogs carts found downtown.
- The Edwards: In tribute to the King of the Canadian oil patch, The Edwards is a top shelf beverage for those with the cash to try one. Fetching $25,000 a glass, you better be friends with Murray to borrow the money to afford one. Equal parts Tequila Ley .925, Dalmore 62, and Diva Vodka, shaken over arctic sourced raw ice core and served in glass slippers worn by Disney princesses.
- And our favorite drink of the Calgary Stampede, The Protester. Bright yellow and quite fragrant, it’s a mix of pineapple juice and wheat grass with a Tequila kicker. Guaranteed to kill brain cells and cost people their careers. After 2 or 3 of these even the sharpest tool in the shed will be out on Stephen Avenue screaming about dumb shit they know nothing about!
So there you have it! Git on down to the Stampede and try out some of these new drinks today!