HOUSTON, Texas – Harry Tikklenuts graduated high school at 13, scored perfectly on his SATs, and was admitted to the MIT’s faculty of engineering at the precedent-setting age of 15. His IQ, 162, which is 22 points above the so-called genius benchmark and the maximum possible result you can achieve on the internationally recognized Pennzoil IQ test.

His IQ score is two whole points higher than the projected IQs of German-born theoretical physicist Albert Einstein and celebrated cosmologist Stephen Hawking.

Today at age 17, Harry’s IQ sits at a mere 58 and he has been clinically diagnosed as having MSCI, or moderate to severe cognitive impairment.

According to the Dean of the Faculty of Applied Engineering Physics, Harry’s intelligence started to drop precipitously shortly after taking an introductory earth science course at the world-reknown STEM-oriented post secondary institution.

Dr. Feynstein, Dean

“I was pleased to meet with Harry before this semester as he sought guidance on which electives he should take. He had expressed interest in geology courses, and I immediately advised against it because there is no place in the mind of such a young genius anything to do with earth science rubbish. When I had learned that he had registered for GEO-1074, This is What a Rock Tastes Like, I started to fear for his future, but never did I expect his intelligence to spiral to that of an average 4th grader over the span of 7 weeks.” – Dr. Francis Feynstein, MIT.

Local health professionals have told his family that he suffers from a all-too-common illness called Geologistus Stupidus that afflicts hundreds of thousands of people in the US alone every year. The illness affects ordinarily intelligent people whose cognitive abilities degrade at a significant rate once they have been taught anything to do with earth art.

“As common as Geologistus Stupidus is, we’ve never heard of a case like this any where in the world,” said Dr. Jennifer Strider, the Chief Neurologist at the Permian Medical Centre in Midland, Texas. She continues, “There must have been some genetic or experience-based predisposition for Harry to suffer this much from the illness. For example, he may have owned a rock tumbler as a kid. But we are happy to say that we should be able to treat him.”

Dr. Jennifer Strider’s team believes that a revolutionary new nano-antidote will put him on the road to recovery. She has also referred him to a psycho-educational therapist who will ensure that he spends at least 3 hours per day writing VB macros in Excel and that he stay at least 10 meters away from crayons and maps. He is also forbidden to have any direct contact with the earth for at least 6 months.


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