THULE, Greenland – Midgard Geophysical Services (see Norse Gods form Midgard Geophysical Services, November 4, 2014) announces that their proprietary 5-D technology is now perfected and available to the oil and gas community. Spokesgod Loki explained the basic concepts to an assembly of industry press, rival geophysical companies and Frost Giants.
“2-D geophysical surveys record shortest ray paths and are inherently difficult to interpret correctly in 3-D space. With the advent of more powerful computers, 3-D surveys became possible that solved the spatial relationships. So-called 4-D surveys merely repeat the same 3-D survey at different times to track the movement of the water-oil-gas contacts in reservoirs. Now, Midgard 5-D technology extends the survey into parallel universes across all space-time. This allows the client to generate a virtually infinite number of prospects from a single data set.”
Loki went on to explain that Midgard was forming additional subsidiaries to provide the other services necessary to take full advantage of 5-D surveys. Midgard Transportation Services will provide the interdimensional portals to move drilling equipment and crews to other Earths. Midgard Pipeline will move hydrocarbons across the dimensional barrier to this Earth. Midgard Land Services will identify those Earths that are inhabited by humanoids so royalty payments can be avoided, giving a boost to economic evaluations.
Midgard CEO Thor the Thunder God closed the presentation with a demonstration of his hammer Mjölnir’s power to generate the 5-D data. As one might expect, the storage capacity to record a 5-D survey is in the petabyte range. Also as one might expect, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals threatened a lawsuit for trademark infringement. Thor disposed of the problem with one swing of Mjölnir at PETA’s headquarters.
In a separate news conference, Mr. Max Avarice, Chief Executive Officer of TexxonMogul, said that he was negotiating to sign an exclusive contract with Midgard. He added, “This whole thing sounds like a bunch of crap, but just in case it isn’t I want to keep it out of the hands of my competitors.”