Artists rendition of Dr. Darcy Flowman running away from his home, very, very scared.

CALGARY, Alberta – Amid the immediate confusion and fear that the COVID-19 pandemic has brought to the lives of Canadians lurks another rising problem: the crushing fear that some people have of their homes stemming from the inordinate amount of time that they spend in them. A gaggle of engineers from Calgary and surrounding area are challenging the quarantining and self-isolation rules in an Alberta court, citing their homephobic living conditions violates their constitutional rights.

Dr. Darcy Flowman (not his best photo)

“Homephobia is real, man, and that ain’t no jive! But nobody want to believes us.  When I get told I have to stay inside and self-quarantine, I start to shake, have constant anxiety attacks, and can’t hardly sleep.  I’m terribly homephobic, and really can’t stand to stay in my home for more than 8 hours before I lose my mind. Can you dig it, you jive-time suckas!” – Darcy Flowman, 2P News

The group comprises 14 Calgary-area engineers you’d typically stereotype as shut-ins (Editor’s note: aren’t they all?). Their argument is that the condition of homephobia, or the fear of staying home, is a serious psychological condition. The group believes the condition should legally exempt them from any quarantine rules set out by the government. If they succeed with this court case, it could set a precedent around how much power the government actually has to control the movement of its citizens.

Antoine M., 2P News co-founder

“You should have seen Darcy on day 3 man, what a nut job.  I actually caught him raging around the office smashing every calculator he could find, then he threw an abacus at the wall!  where the hell did he find an abacus?  I’ve been talking to a few people on internet forums about this ‘homephobia’.  apparently it’s becoming a real issue around the world.  I’m even starting to get a little homephobic after all these months, but I’m roommates with Rodecker and that’s enough to make anyone homephobic.” – Antoine Guilly, 2P News

The legal challenge will be brought before a judge on October 5th, 2020.  While this growing movement of anti-isolation seems to be growing as Covid-19 restrictions continue, it could be fair to say we’re all just getting a little more homephobic everyday.

If you think that you are starting to suffer from homephobia, fear not because there’s help. 2P News has setup a support group where staff counsellor Andy Killinger (from our ever-so-popular Ask Andy column), will provide sub-professional advice to you at no charge. You can reach out to Andy directly in the comments section below or on our Facebook post. Andy has committed to reply to comments within 60 minutes.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here