“Best line of the entire film? ‘You know what I hate about these Alberta Horizontal wells? They keep getting longer and I get the saame wage!'” – Jim Ramblone, the Westlock Pigeon Paper
“While it was entertaining to see my neighbours in a feature film at a Cineplex, it leaves a lot to be desired. Like a plot, a budget, and cinematography.” – Bernadette Atortotts, the Peace River Observer
“While this won’t make it to my top 10 this year, I got the porn version on Pirate Bay and it’s not too bad if you like really bad porn” – Joffery Cumingslow, the NW Calgary Daily News
The Bottom Line
A half-baked reprisal of the age old classic Dazed and Confused, this oilfield-oriented disaster of a rehash deserves to be burned at the stake alongside The CERBY Clause – Watch Yo Pockets and Shale Wars – The Permian Strikes Back.
Macks Depondu & Maxinee Shirleet
Jando Kreeger, Devon Hisbint, Jeraldine Manvers, Hipotmeet Chanfra, Geronimoe Kelly, and Dave.
Based loosely on the non-fiction series My Life On a Rig, and the sequel series Big Bad Rigger, Drilled and Confused attempts to pay homage to life on a drilling rig. While the premise sounds promising, the spoof of the original film leaves a lot to be desired, and the improvised dialogue reflects far too many bad plays on the originals script. 0.2 out of 10 stars. At best.
The movie begins with at shift-change on a rig somewhere in Alberta (we think), and the roughnecks arguing over things roughneck argue about. Such as whose truck has more chrome, or who has the best tribal tattoo, or whose wife is sleeping with who? It’s not very engaging, but some altered script from Dazed and Confused seem to help bring it together ever so slightly as viewers begin to consider leaving the theatre after the first 10-15 minutes.
After the crew change opening scene, the film follows one crew into the local unnamed town, and stick with the night crew out on “the iron.” In town, Mike wants to get some cement and prank the driller by filling his boots with it, but Lawrance can’t figure out how they’ll manage while the driller is still wearing them. Dave is picking up girls in the local saloon but doesn’t realize they’re actually there to watch little-people bikini Jello wrestling, not to meet the love of their life.
Back at the rig, the writing really breaks down and turns to a slew of bad knock-off quotes from the original movie. Randy yells “I’m here to drink beer and make hole, and we’re almost out of beer!” Or the motorhand telling the others at midnight lunch that, “Jason Kenney’s in a cult man, and that cult was into Aliens!”
As this boring plot unfolds for around an hour of film time, nothing changes, the hands make dumb jokes about each other and tease the MWD hand about his “small tools,” while an off-shift directional driller shows up at the local tavern and tells everyone how he saved the well by backing off the rotary and increasing the pump rate by half a percent.
The third and final act of the film depicts the crew fumbling back to camp while the night tour struggles to make progress as the company man berates them for being lazy (from his couch that is scattered with Hustler magazines). Getting through this abysmal excuse of a movie is like watching a reduced budget mashup of the Trailer Park Boys and Fubar as written and shot by a class of Zoom-schooled kindergarten kids.
In closing, I’d like to say that the movie had potential, but with a $500 budget and filmed entirely with a 5 year old GoPro, its falls below our threshold of entertainment value and falls squarely into file 13. The movie gets 0.2 out of 10 stars.