TORONTO, Ontario – The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) announced today that it is adding a newly created Oil and Gas Channel (OGC) to its streaming service, Hoser+. It joins the mainstays such as Blandest Food Channel, Beer Channel, Moose Hunting Channel, 24 Hour Hockey Channel and Le Misérables Channel. This is seen by many western Canadians as the eastern-dominated CBC throwing a bone to the thousands of unemployed oil and gas workers. A quick perusal of the programming schedule, however, reveals that it’s another Ottawa hatchet job.
The general manager of Hoser+, Ms. LeToobe Fernseh, said that initially OGC would present mostly reruns of old programs and movies that have oil and gas as a major theme or plot element. Broadcast television series “Dallas” and “Dynasty” are among the initial offerings, with Discovery’s “Oil Rush” (see 2P News February 11, 2021) to be added next year
According to Fernseh, should the channel establish itself and have measurable ratings, original content will be added. Among the pilot programs being developed are:
Game of Bones
Groups of paleontologists compete to identify fossil remains of dragons, giants, dwarves, ice walkers, night walkers, night crawlers and politicians.
Lawn Order: SVU
Landscapers organize a Special Victims Unit to maintain and conceal oil and gas locations so they won’t offend the delicate sensitivities of the tree huggers.
A choir of castrati left over from the New Democratic Party’s last campaign compete in talent shows throughout Canada. This program is included just to piss off oil field workers who miss “Canada’s Got Talent.”
This program follows the exploits of a team of oil firefighters who first worked together putting out the Kuwait fires. Based roughly on the John Wayne movie Hellfighters, the name was considered too risqué for Canadian viewers.
Eng-Man & Geo-Boy
This comic book turned TV show follows the high-flying hijinks and shenanigans of an engineer and a geologist who find themselves with amazing super-powers after accidentally drinking frac fluid-laced coffee in an office prank.
The channel will also run movies that portray the industry as filled with the worst possible people such as Giant, There Will Be Blood, Deepwater Horizon and Oklahoma Crude. Come to think of it, there has never been a movie where an oilman has been the good guy.