DALLAS, Texas – Researchers at the Texas University of Geology and Geophysics, or TUGG, released a study paid for by a consortium of oil and gas companies in Houston. The objective of the study was to determine the factors that either help or hinder geologists with respect to productivity and advancement within the oil industry. The report listed the usual attributes such as education and talent, but a more careful study revealed that one underlying factor trumped all others. Geologists with larger coffee cups produce far more maps than those with smaller coffee cups.
To understand this conclusion, 2P News conducted a phone interview with lead researcher Dr. Holden M. Firmleigh. He explained,
“It used to be that geologists would drink out of smaller, camping or granola tree hugger style tea cups. This lent itself well to field work and acting like a dainty petunia out on the outcrop. but with the advent of venti and xxl triple shot mochas, larger coffee cups have seen an uptick in popularity and the resultant body of work speaks for itself.” – Dr. Firmleigh
Dr. Firmleigh went on to say that the analysis of cup sizes in oil and gas office buildings was extremely difficult, as not every one is willing to share their cup size. A stealthy mission throughout several buildings with a pinhole spy camera resulted in enough data to do the statistical analysis. The numbers don’t lie, larger cup size, and to that end more coffee, resulted in far more productivity and better economical results.
Of those geoscientists that would comment, most said that coffee fueled their creativity. Some however, admitted it was only a temporary cure for their hangover. Little known fact about geoscientists is that they drink 4-5 times their weight in alcohol in an average week, deteriorating their productivity. With enough coffee, it appears they can counteract that disabling binge drinking habit and get back to work. When asked why they drink so much, the overwhelming answer was that they had to deal with engineers day-in and day-out.
When more statistics are available the study will be published in Geology Today, but for now we only get a preview of the data, which indeed indicates geologists need coffee in addition to alcohol to succeed.