Take Me Out to the Ballgame

EDMONTON, Alberta – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney is in secret negotiations with a number of major league baseball teams to relocate to Edmonton.  It is thought to be a response to the creation of the AFL (AAPEG Football League).  Reliable sources have stated that Mr. Kenney believes that a football league of aged overweight imbeciles will do great damage to the reputation of Alberta, even more than the Elks and Stampeders.

He is going after a baseball team because there is an informal agreement between the Canadian Football League and the National Football League to not encroach on each other’s territory after the total failure of the CFL’s southern division in the USA.  This is not the case with baseball.  Furthermore, basketball was not considered because no one in Canada gives a shit about basketball.  The success of the Toronto Blue Jays was a powerful influence on the choice of sports.  Premier Kenney wants to attract a well-established team that will be immediately competitive in order to stick a finger in the eye of eastern Canada.

West Edmonton Mall Food Court

He wants the team to be located in Edmonton rather than the more populous Calgary.  It is a matter of convenience.  Premier Kenney spends most of his time in Edmonton and doesn’t want to have to travel south to make public appearances at baseball games.  The baseball stadium to be used by the Edmonton Prospects (in 2022 the Spruce Grove Metro Ballpark) in the Western Canadian Baseball League could be expanded to hold a few more people than its current 9200.  If it snows, games could be played in the West Edmonton Mall food court.

Naysayers among the provincial legislative assembly point out that the Montreal Expos did not succeed and moved out of the country.  Supporters of Kenney then point out that the Expos did the el foldo because everybody got tired of listening to baseball games in French.


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