OTTAWA, Ontario – Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau revealed today that Pee Wee Herman will be the new spokesman for the Liberal Party and will perform all Canadian public service announcements on radio and television. Mr. Herman, a character created by the American actor Paul Reubens, is noted for his child-like demeanor and boundless optimism. This is despite Mr. Reubens’ history of being arrested for indecent exposure and possession of obscene material. [To be fair, Mr. Reubens was never convicted. – Ed.]
Mr. Trudeau said, “Who better to personify the bright new future that the Liberal Party is bringing to Canada? After I saw him in Pee Wee’s Big Holiday on Netflix there was no doubt in my mind that he is the right person for the job. He will start once we figure out how to make him an honorary Canadian citizen. A bonus for me is that he has also agreed to write some of my speeches.”
He continued, “I’ve asked him to bring that lovely bicycle he rode in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure because it shows the way forward for transportation in Canada. Once I finish destroying the oil and gas industry in the west, people will have no choice but to embrace such alternate transportation means. That is, except for important government officials like me, of course. I’ll continue to need my limousine and private jet for important government business.”
The idea that an American with a less-than-perfect background will be promoting Canadian interests is disturbing to quite a few people. Alberta Premier Jason Kenney said, “Jesus Christ, couldn’t he find somebody with actual talent like Ian Tyson or Gordon Lightfoot? You know, real Canadians, eh?” However, some Canadians were delighted. The LGBTQH (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transexual, Queer, Hoser) community in Ottawa believes that Mr. Reubens brings a unique prissiness to the table and will promote acceptance of strange.