BEIJING, China – Head-Dictator-in-Charge Xi Jinpingpong is smugly pleased with himself after forcing Canada to release a detainee, Meng Wanzhou, Chief Financial Officer of telecommunications giant Huawei, in exchange for releasing two Canadian citizens, Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor, who were being held on trumped-up charges. (Trumped-up is taking on a whole new meaning, by the way.) Kovrig and Spavor were held, mostly incommunicado, in a typical Chinese shithole prison while Meng was under house arrest in a luxury apartment in Vancouver.
When contacted by 2P News, Mr. Xi expressed concern that China’s actions in this case could be interpreted in the West as arrogance. He said, “All we really did was grab a couple of hostages to make sure one of our princesses was eventually released by the sly Canadians. I mean, this is an old and revered tradition among civilized nations, of which we are the only one. We didn’t kill anybody like the Russians would have, although that’s never off the table. Note that we’re making the point that it takes two Canadians to equal one Chinese.”
Mr. Xi went on to say, “We’ve got about 40,000 spies actively working in North America, so if those racist round-eyes start arresting any of them, we’ll have to grab about 80,000 foreigners in China. In case that happens, we’re refurbishing some of the old Olympic sites in Beijing to hold them. I hope they won’t mind camping out on a soccer field in the middle of winter.”
The blatant threat was not lost on officials in both Canada and the US. However, the leaders of the two countries are too chickenshit to respond openly. However, some old Cold Warriors in the US are rejoicing at the new threats from China. Said one anonymously, “We haven’t had a real enemy like this since Khrushchev in the 1960’s. The Chinese are no more communists than the Russians were. They’re just power-mad. Now we can focus our attention where it belongs instead of on a bunch of crazy-ass fanatics in the Middle East.”