INNBREAD, Georgia – A court challenge is brewing in Georgia that has everyone from War Amps to Steelworkers up in arms. A local geologist had left his rock hammer and hand lens on the dash of his minivan while he went into WalMart, and local sheriff’s deputy, Ross Maxxweiner, forgave the fact he was parked in a handicap only spot. <Editor’s Note: This could have been avoided if the geologist drove Toyota’s new Geologist Edition Prius.>
I saw the hammer and the geek lens, hell, what was I supposed to do, we all know these guys ain’t right in the head. I mean, come on, you lick rocks for crying out loud.
The last thing I need is grown man crying in the WalMart parking lot, in his zip off shorts and Tilley hat. That’s enough to cause a public disturbance man!
A group of WalMart customers saw Ross assessing the vehicle, devoid of any necessary placards or decals. When he walked away without ticketing the vehicle, they began to protest by laying in front of, and on his cruiser (damaging the hood, roof, doors, tires, and shocks).
I just don’t believe it at all! He was there, and then he was there, and then he wasn’t there, and then he tried to leave. My brothers kids cousins uncles daughter has a disability and she needs to park there with her moped. Why do geologists get all the special treatment? Cause. That’s why! And it ain’t fair! – Sandy Moleshank, WalMart Blue Ruby level club customer
Media reports of hostile protests around the Innbread, Georgia WalMart location are prolific. Many networks citing shipping cart rammings and what can only be described as grossly inappropriate displays of spandex and halter tops. People are rallying behind whatever they can, seemingly at this point as a ploy to get in front of a camera.
I have one eye and no teeth. Why can a geologist with his fancy schooling and tighty whiteys get to park closer to the doors than me? I can’t even chew, let alone walk! – Dustin Feberatt, retired Old Dutch addict
The national guard is on standby, citing the need for more manpower than Ross and the sheriff’s department can handle if things escalate in Innbread.