CALGARY, Alberta – A group of 11 major oil and gas exploration companies, with Canadian E&P giant Reacheround Energy at its epicenter, have recently discovered an underground gaming association using linked company networks in the downtown core.
According to eye-witnesses and reputable Internet blog reports, IT and IS staff have been operating the world’s largest hard-wired gaming network for the last 5 months in Calgary’s downtown core, playing the classic first person shooter, Doom, and using millions of dollars in company resources and lost productivity.
We were thoroughly shocked to discover that our staff was playing games down there in the basement. The fact that a potato chip and Red Bull store opened up on our main floor should have been a sign, but we didn’t see it.
Over 87% of our staff was involved with this, and our other employees may now have to be let go because we cannot provide the support they need to get the job done until we hire more networking and systems people. – Dolph Pumpkin, CEO of Reacheround Energy
Gamers around the world have applauded the high-tech tournament, and have offered up network space to allow the recently unemployed individuals to resume and finish the gore-filled showdown. Patrick Dechameesy, in Toronto, had this to say:
We will give them whatever support they need. If these oil gluttons don’t appreciate what these people have accomplished, then I hope they burn in hell.
We here in Toronto applaud their ingenuity and use of a system that was borderline useless anyways, so we’ll give them whatever they need to choose a Doom Battalion Commander and hand out that beautiful trophy. We just can’t give them any new jobs. We don’t have any new jobs. Just saying.
The number of computer savvy professionals impacted by the dismissals numbers into the thousands according to the BOE Report.
And according to recent reports, 4 highrise office towers in Calgary may need to be temporarily shut-down while operators search for new support staff to guide engineers and geologists with excel and word documents pertaining to government applications and legal matters.
You guys are idiots.