Mayor Rob Ford, after learning the call girl who visited his office after hours was actually a call man.

TORONTO, Ontario – In light of the multi-faceted scandals that have beleagured Mayor Rob Ford since May of this year, the Toronto city top-man decided to step away from the media spotlight and accept an offer for help from Calgary’s city chief, Naheed Nenshi. Mayor Nenshi invited Mr. Ford to the Shady Vista Resort & Spa, in Canmore, Alberta, for a 3-day retreat where the 2 discussed life, and the ups and downs of running 2 of Canada’s largest cities.

Mayor Nenshi

I heard on the radio that Mr. Ford was in some hot water for various reasons and watching him on the news I could see that he was emotionally defeated. It was clear that he needed to get away from the action, so I extended an offer for him to spend some time with me at my favorite spa so we could chat. I figured if he sees how I live my life, and stay under the radar, then he could possibly make some positive changes in his life. – Naheed Nenshi

Mayor Ford returned to Toronto with a renewed hope on his personal life, and a much more positive outlook on how things will be at City Hall. He hopes that he will be able to turn around the recent decisions made by council to strip him of the majority of his mayoral powers and his budget. It appears that the only thing that Mayor Rob Ford can do is serve as the figurehead for the City of Toronto, which is a position of public relations – quite possibly the first power that council should have stripped from him considering his recent outlandish escapades.

According to Rob Ford, his visit to Alberta to spend 1-on-1 time with his Calgary counterpart was spiritual, to say the very least.


I gotta tell you, I really needed to take some time away from Toronto. And in this time away, I learned a lot from my new very happy muslim friend.

The first thing I did when I got home was leave my wife Renata, and then I called up mom to see if she had some space in the basement for me to move back in. And she did, so things are coming along quite well. – Mayor Ford

Sources close to Rob Ford also reported that he has taken up buddhism, and plans to study to become a buddhist monk via correspondence at the Jodo Shindsu Buddhist Temple in Calgary. The same sources have reported that, for the 3 weeks after returning from Alberta, Mr. Ford has maintained a self-imposed zero tolerance policy with alcohol and drugs – until last night’s Toronto Maple Leafs game.

The Toronto Star reported this morning that Mr. Ford, at last night’s hockey game, took a small sip of his brother Doug’s beer, and instaneously relapsed into a state far worst than before. An onlooker Leaf’s fan saw the Mayor transform into a monster. “He looked wild, with a glazed look in his eyes. I recall him stomping around the seats grabbing and knocking over the beers of stunned fans. He was a maniac!”

Doug (L) and Rob Ford, shortly after Rob’s relapse at the Leaf’s game.

Mr. Ford was escorted by ambulance to the North Toronto Psychiatric hospital, where he remains until further evaluation.



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