Evidence of one of the failed attempts

CALGARY, Alberta – The Calgary Police Service was again very busy dealing with an alcohol-fueled Stampede-related incident last night. CPS arrested 4 men, 2 women, and 1 self-described he-she at a Stampede party gone wrong at a penthouse condo adjacent to the Stampede grounds.  The owner of the 42nd floor condo in the swanky Midale Tower was not arrested, but was handed a lifetime ban from ever having more than 2 friends in his condo any any given time.  According to eyewitness reports, a number of people from the party had tried to gain unauthorized access to the Stampede grounds – from the balcony of 42nd storey unit.

Wanda Skitzenfraff
Tracy Onnexyut, eyewitness

I was waiting in line at the Dilly Dog food truck waiting to order a chocolate-covered, deep-fried, scorpion pizza with a side battered and deep-fried poutine poppers, when somebody yelled and pointed to the South, and all I could see was what appeared to a bag of garbage falling from the top of the building.

But I had no clue until afterwards that it was some idiot trying to parachute his way into the Stampede to save from having to pay the admission fee. – Tracy Onnexyut, eyewitness

The Calgary Police Service released a statement of facts for the incident, as a public service that it felt was necessary to share in an effort to prevent others from partaking in such activities. 2P News is first to report the details on the failed attempts here:

Triyn Hore – After mumbling something about Newton’s law of universal gravitation and how some force is inversely proportional to the square of the distance between him and the Drop of Doom amusement ride, Mr. Hore attempted to fly past security on a rudimentary zip line. His system included a leather belt, existing overhead power lines, and the force of gravity. After making his way down to the building’s 22nd floor terrace, Mr. Hore slid down the power line, hit the first transformer box, got shocked, fell, and nearly died. It turns out that the “zipline” that he had chosen terminated at the Erlton C-Train station, which is not in the Stampede grounds.

Photo of Harry playing Edward 40 Hands at the party
Photo of Harry playing Edward 40 Hands at the party

Harry Upperlip – After playing 2 games of Edward 40 Hands, this facilities engineer with PNRL attempted to hang glide into the grounds using 5 Hefty garbage bags duct taped together, a backpack, and some twine. In his statement to police, Harry mentioned that he thought using the new and improved bags with ForceFlex technology would, “really hold up.” Harry ended up bouncing off the roof of an ambulance parked 8 feet from the Midale building. He was taken to hospital with minor injuries.

Mr. Upperlip and Mr. Hore were released on $25 bail and are scheduled to appear in court in early August.



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