CALGARY, Alberta – This just in!! The wildly popular satirical news giant 2P News just reported that hackers had breached its computer and web hosting systems and that the personal information of up to zero thousand readers and 7 employees were possibly at risk.
The Calgary-based company, which uses a proprietary data collection system that gathers information about its readers through a space-aged human-to-PC telepathic data acquisition system, claims that the system had never worked, so the public at large should have nothing to worry about. But for it’s 7 employees, it is possible that their personal information (including drinking schedules and bar tab records) are now freely available in cyberspace.
The group Hackers R’ Us has taken full responsibility for the attack and they claim to have accessed 2P News’ system in a fashion, “that could have been done inadvertently by a 3rd grader.”
In a statement just a few minutes ago, Rodecker Smith, field correspondent with 2P News, who also heads the 1-man cyber security department, had the following to say in response to the hackers’ claim.
Yeah… so… it appears that these guys accessed our site’s back-end because I had forgotten to change the admin password from the default value of “password.” My thoughts were that nobody in their right mind would guess that the password would be password, but I suppose I was wrong. Stupid passwords. – Rodecker Smith, 2P News Chief of Cyber Security
Suspicious activity was first noticed shortly after the NDP was elected to run the province of Alberta. 2P News top brass wrote that off as “spooky things related to the Notley effect” and ignored the signs. But it appears that the suspicious activity might have been just loyal 2P News readers figuring out how to improve the site so that it is easier to enjoy on mobile browsers.
An email received from Hackers R’ Us just a few minutes ago conveyed the following message:
We were sick of how inconvenient and frustrating it was to navigate Proved Plus Probable on our iPhone and Android devices. I kept thinking, these guys have to get with the times and be mobile friendly. And knowing that the company is struggling with its advertising revenue, I figured I’d just get in there and see what I can do. So here it is, I hope all of you 2P News readers enjoy the site’s new format. I was only trying to help, and I felt really sorry for those poor schmucks at 2P News. – Anonymous with Hackers R’ Us.
So it appears that for the first time in recorded history, hackers actually did some good. Dr. Darcy Flowman, a 2P News co-founding editor, wants to extend a sincere thank you to all of those responsible for hacking into his site and improving the way things work.
He and co-founding partner Antoine McGuilicuddy are looking for ways to donate a fraction of their company’s profits to support childhood hacking initiatives because, “it’s a way of doing some good, when most people least expect good to be done.”