TORONTO, Ontario – Peyo Enterprises of Brussels, Belgium announced that it has formed a new division dedicated to providing pipeline inspection services to the oil and gas industry. After testing its service in Belgium in sewers and natural gas distribution systems, the company is now poised to enter the far larger North American market.
At a press conference in Prevarication Hills, Ontario, Mr. Pierre Culliford, CEO of Peyo, said,
“We are now able to provide an inspection service that is far and away superior to all other systems.” When pressed for details, he responded, “Rather than mechanical or electronic devices, we will be using the tiny creatures known as Smurfs. They will be equipped with miniaturized self-contained underwater breathing apparatus (SCUBA) and wet suits, enabling them to swim through all but the smallest liquids pipelines and perform inspections. In the case of gas pipelines they will simply crawl, walk or ride tiny bicycles.
Mr. Peyo continued, “Every pipeline operator has experienced problems with stuck pigs. This won’t happen with Smurfs. They have the intelligence to turn around and come back if a severe blockage is encountered. Furthermore, they can measure the distance and furnish the operator with the exact location and nature of the obstruction. Admittedly, their handwriting is very small and hard to read, but a good magnifying glass fixes that problem.”
When it was pointed out to Mr. Culliford that Smurfs are cartoon characters, he responded, “The fact that Smurfs are fictional is of no consequence. Most pipeline inspection reports are fictional as well.”
He hinted that a possible future market is municipal water distribution systems. In places like Los Angeles where broken water mains have worsened a drought, a thorough inspection would be invaluable. However, he said that one possible market has been eliminated. “We did a test run on the sewer system in Antwerp but after being attacked by cats, rats and crocodiles the Smurfs refused to perform any further sewer inspections.”
Gargamel Industries, also a purveyor of pipeline inspections, discounted the new competition, saying in a statement released following Peyo’s press conference,
“We welcome Peyo to the business but we remain confident that our inspection reports will pull the wool over the eyes of even the most zealous and hardened inspector or government agency. Smurfs are notoriously honest and most pipeline operators will find their reports unacceptable.” – Mr. Jim Smith, Gargamel Industries representative