FRESNO, California – Masses of location data gathered in China show that intensive testing, tracking and restrictions on mobility are effective strategies for fighting the coronavirus outbreak. But they also show how many people continue to not keep their distance, which flies in the face of the mandates from health authorities across the globe.
“It’s incredible that some people still do not practice social distancing measures considered the repeated advice from health officials, and the novel coronavirus is spreading at alarming rates because of it. So a new solution was required, one that would effectively force the hands of those who break the rules,” said the chairman of the World Mobile Radio-Telephone Commission, Dr. Lanny Chafer.
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Dr. Chafer mandated that all major smart phone manufacturers enable an Auto-Distance hardware feature that has been built into all smart phones since April 2006. The feature, which was originally implemented to protect world populations in the event that engineers broke loose, has been sitting dormant but will soon be active. The irony of this feature is that engineers possess an uncanny and natural ability to practice involuntarily isolation via social distancing without any help. Dr. Chafer has communicated this mandate to Apple, Samsung, Huawei, Palm Pilot, and other popular manufacturers to take effect at 11:59pm on April 15th, 2020.
Here’s how the feature, once pushed to billions of smart phones around the world, will be implemented and work:
- Enabled devices include smart phones, tablets, watches, and even the Nintendo Switch. Although the feature exists on EarPods, the WRTC will not enable it on them due to a volunteer at Apple’s Boston, MA office being rendered completely deaf after preliminary testing.
- When two enabled devices come within 10m of each other, the phones’ users will each receive and automated phone call warning them to step back following by a countdown from 5 seconds.
- If the countdown reaches 0, each phone’s user will be zapped with a 750MW tazer-level electrical shock.The shock is so powerful that it will vaporize gloves, or any other type of insulative material used by the user.
- The shock will render either one or both users immobile and thereby stopping the closeness threat. If only one user is down, the other will likely run for cover.
Opponents to the Auto-Distance feature are aplenty. Cicely Leonard, spokeswoman for the Rights of the People, is staunchly opposed to any idea that infringes on human rights.
“People have the right to be close to one another – it’s their choice. I don’t care what some doctors from WHO or WHAT have to say about social distancing. In fact, in this pandemic, I think the best way out is to practice social anti-distancing. What you need to do is get close to people, be licking door handles, get the virus, cross your fingers that you don’t get sick, and then you’re immune to it. And what I don’t need is a phone blowing up in my damn hands when I’m trying to do this.” – Cicely Leonard, spokeswoman
2P News welcomes the new measures and believes that it will make significant impact on flattening the curve around the world, but warns that things could get Notley ugly if the system is hacked.