CALGARY, Alberta – A newly formed company, Random Eyes LLC, based in Houston has announced a product that it claims will revolutionize exploration for oil and gas. It is well known that geologists employ pub darts thrown at a map to determine most drilling locations. Random Eyes believes that its new SmartDart™ will be an orders of magnitude improvement in this process.
Random Eyes spokesperson Annie Minnutnow demonstrated the device at a recent WOOPS seminar for unemployed geologists in Calgary, Alberta. A map of the world was placed on a wall and Ms. Minnutnow threw an ordinary dart at the map and it landed on the Challenger Deep in the Pacific Ocean. Obviously not a good place to attempt an exploratory well. She then threw a SmartDart™ and it landed on the Ghawar Field in Saudi Arabia, the largest in the world. Additional tosses landed on other supergiant oil fields such as Samotlor in Russia and Cantarell in Mexico.
However, the objective of exploration is to locate undiscovered oil and gas fields, not existing ones. This requires dart-tossing at much smaller scale maps. Ms. Minnutnow refused to throw a SmartDart™ at a map supplied by one of the geologists in attendance, saying that this would be giving away the product results for free. She also would not disclose the selling price, saying only “a lot.”
The technology behind the SmartDart™ is an artificial intelligence program coded on a newly developed chip. The chip also controls the vanes (“flight”) at the rear of the dart that steer it to the intended target. The tip of the dart contains an ultra-miniaturized camera the scans the map and then the chip matches it to a library of maps stored in its memory. Other factors are proprietary and were not disclosed, but it is rumoured that quantum intanglement is involved.
Word of the new technology spread quickly. Mr. Max Avarice, CEO of TexxonMogul, when apprised of the demonstration commented, “Those idiots in the Exploration Department couldn’t do any worse trying this, so I’ll give it a chance. Anything to cut the odds.” He then returned to his office to work on his next round of personnel cuts.