What can we say? It's about artificial lift.

THE WOODIELAND, Texas – Who says things aren’t looking up in the North American oil and gas industry? Sure drilling and frack pumping activity remain at near all-time lows, and the sector is drowning in red ink after a number of consecutive flaccid quarters of reduced demand and depressed oil prices. But Hollimortons’ recent acquisition of Viagro promises to prop-up the industry by revolutionizing artificial lift systems.

Dick Half-Chubb, Hollimorton CEO

“I know times are very stifficult, but that’s when innovative companies like Hollimorton takes things to new heights. Why acquire Viagro? Because both companies deal with artificial lift! I saw a natural synergy between the two organizations that was just waiting to pumped up.” – Dick Half-Chubb, Hollimorton CEO

According to Hollimorton’s press release, the company plans to extract an essential oil from expired Viagro little blue pills that can no longer be sold for human consumption. The oil, which it calls Infiniboner Lube-X 2000™, is applied by hand to the polished rod, where it will reduce friction that in-turn increases the thermal efficiency at the rod-stuffing box interface.

A stuffing box, equipped with Infiniboner Lube-X 2000™ oil, being long-stroked by a polished rod.

Industry analyst Rod Swellington, with Limp Dangle & Associates, spoke with 2P News’ Yu Mii this morning.

“This is not hollimorton’s first Kick at the can down this road of improving artificial lift systems. In Q3 2017, the company partnered with Houston-based Limber Timber Engineering to introduce a product called Fapnado RX, but that was a major flop. But now, with Viagro, everything is pointing up!” – Rod swellington, ANALYST

Hollimorton’s is having a hard time coming up with a marketing tag line for the new product, so they have created an online contest that is open to the public. The deadline to submit entries is November 30th, 2020. The winning entry will receive a 14-day, all expenses trip for 4 to Bangkok, Thailand.

Upon hearing about this contest, 2P News’ co-founder Antoine McGuillicuddy has an idea for the product’s slogan: Infiniboner Lube-X 2000™ – “It’s like a sore penis… it just can’t be beat!”


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