NEW YORK, New York – In an exposé that should surprise only a few massively ignorant people in Newfoundland, the venerable publication Wall Street Journal (WSJ) plastered an article on the front page of its print and online editions claiming that Proved Plus Probable News, also known as 2P News, a Calgary, Alberta-based online publication, is completely fabricated.
The article alleges that 2P News staff is in fact a small collection of disaffected former oil and gas professionals who use the website as a way to strike back at their past masters and to make fun of politicians.
The website’s founders, using the pseudonyms Darcy Flowman and Antoine McGuilicudy, couldn’t be happier to attract this kind of attention.
Flowman, who claims to have Ph.D. in overnight cemetery management, is in fact a homeless vagrant who lives in a derelict van down by the Bow River in Calgary and uses a computer at the public library. McGuilicudy is a convicted felon who has been deported back to his native Bulgaria. He or she (it isn’t clear which one) communicates with Flowman via Internet.
In an interview with Slyman Gunk, a WSJ stringer in Calgary, Flowman stated,
“It’s unbelievable how many people think this junk is real. Come on now, do you really think that someone is planning a pipeline from Jupiter to Earth? A guy in Sugar Land, Texas drilled an oil well in his back yard? The moon is affected by fracking? I get all giggly just thinking about it. But, write as many negative stories about us as you want, we can use the increased traffic. Just be sure to include the website address.” – Darcy Flowman, shamelessly plugging 2pnews.com
When Flowman was asked if he is in the website publishing business just for the money, he retorted, “For the money? Yeah, since we started taking advertising, we’ve collected $1.98 from click-through websites, which is about $0.58 US nowadays. Wanna set up a link to WSJ? We’ll do it cheap, real cheap.”
Indeed, Flowman and McGuilicudy have recently started re-running earlier articles, leading everyone to believe the unbelievable, that they have finally run out of bullshit. But it turns out that they were just on vacation, together, just the two of them, in the Bahamas, and didn’t have Internet access from their beach hut.
In related news, the sun will rise and set tomorrow and politicians will lie, cheat and steal.
Slyman Gunk? Oh, I get it now, slime and gunk. You’re making fun of journalism.