CALGARY, Alberta – 2P News announced today that it is opening a new restaurant on the ground floor of the Beau Tower in downtown Calgary. This would seem to be an inopportune time given the restrictions caused by the COVID-19 pandemic, but with so many businesses closed down the few remaining workers in the area need somewhere to eat, especially at reasonable prices.
The management company operating the Beau Tower was a bit surprised at the sudden appearance of a number of folding chairs and card tables in the lobby of the building. When told this was to accommodate a Bendovus company function they were mollified, at least temporarily. The food is to be prepared in the underground parking garage in taco trucks and sneaked upstairs.
“I knew something was up when I saw a shady looking bunch hanging around a dark corner of the car park. I often saw them stumbling around with brown paper bags thinking that they were drunks, but it turns out that they were sneaking food to our lobby. And they were also very drunk.” – Jack Goff, head of security, beau building
The staff at 2P News are well-known gourmands and several have contributed their signature dishes to the restaurant’s menu. Darcy Flowman has given over his recipe for Jamaican jerk poutine. Antoine McGuilicuddy eats Doritos with soy milk as a breakfast cereal so he was omitted from consideration. Yu Mii favors Peking duck but made with squab in the Cantonese style. Andy Killinger only eats what he has slain himself, so expect Rats-a-Roni and spaghetti & ratballs. Sir William Shortspeare’s favourite dish is crabapples on boiled white bread paired with a vintage turpentine from Sherwood Forest.
Other highlights of the menu include:
- Fricasseed pig’s feet on a bed on pureed pasta.
- Herring and turkey gizzard compote
- Oven-fried frog legs and pickles
- Wiener schnitzel made with Ball Park Wieners
Specialties from the dessert menu:
- Tuna Jell-o Surprise with scarab topping
- Broccoli and asparagus pudding
- Liver and cream cheese pie
- Bacon and beef tongue ice cream
At this time the wine list is limited to what they can get down at the corner 7-Eleven. They hope to find a wine distributor stupid enough to give them credit. Restaurant maître d’ Andy Killinger extends a heartfelt invitation to everyone in Calgary. He would love to have you for dinner. With fava beans and a nice Chianti.