BREA, California – Down at my local pub I was reminiscing with my fellow retirees about our days in the petroleum industry and the subject of geologists came up. Since most geologists are loathe to admit their profession, we discussed how to determine if a person is in fact a geologist. With several more rounds of Boddington’s Ale we came up with this list:
You might be a geologist if…
- You’ve heard every possible pun using the words granite, gneiss, apatite and schist at least 100 times.
- You pick a restaurant based on its decorative stonework.
- You like rock music only because it’s called rock music.
- You think the teams in the Super Bowl are SPE and APEGA.
- You will dash across eight lanes of freeway traffic to confirm the outcrop on the other side is the same as the one you’re parked on.
- You’re the one running toward an erupting volcano rather than running away.
- You would give away your children before you would give away your rock hammer.
- You’re not sure if you have children.
- You have more photographs with your rock hammer in them than your spouse.
- That petrographic microscope in college Mineralogy is why you’re half blind.
- You have never used the word “exact.”
- Two plus two is somewhere between three and five.
- You cringe when an engineer says they can do it cheaper, faster and better.
- On your birthday everybody in the office gives you Febreze, mints and deodorant.
- Your rock garden is inside your house.
- You vomit a little in your mouth when you hear an engineer say, “net pay thickness.”
- That necklace you’re always wearing is a hand lens.
- You’ve been laid off more than once.
- You never really know anything about the earth, you’re just guessing.
- You have no idea what anything costs except beer.
- Your favorite beer is Rolling Rock.
If you align with any 5 or more of the items in this list, it’s very likely you’re a geologist, you’re very strange, but likely both. Let us know if you know of any other ways to tell if somebody might be a geologist?
You might be a geologist if you try to sneak away without paying.
*Ahem* Sneak away with what, Kate?