Scales of justice

CALGARY, Alberta – On December 29th, 2021, Alberta’s highest court found 3 senior executives at Bendovus Energy guilty of 187 counts of slander and 56 counts libel against Calgary-based news agency 2P news, putting an end to a court battle that has raged on for just over 6 years. The court has ordered the Calgary-based oil giant to pay USD4.3 billion to 2P News’ co-founders Dr. Darcy Flowman, P.Eng., and Mr. Antoine McGuilicuddy, P.Geo.

The trouble started for 2P News back on May 16th, 2013 when it published an article claiming that Bendovus Energy was planning to build a new Ivy League type of campus. According to court transcripts, this was never planned by the company and Bendovus’ chief executive, Mr. Dèng Xiǎopíng Dòngbīn, took exception to this published news article and called out 2P News as fakes. Over the course of the next 24 months, Mr. Dòngbīn took exception to over 78 articles published by 2P News that he claims defamed his company and shone an embarrassing light on its employees and shareholders alike. A short list of the evidence submitted to the courts by the plaintiff’s legal team is included below:

Soon after 2P News rejected a $1.15B hostile take over by Bendovus on May, 2014, the oil and gas major took 2P News to court after the news service did not follow a cease and desist notice from Bendovus’ legal team. A judge later threw the Bendovus’ case out. And on a counter-sue, the very same judge ordered Bendovus to pay 2P News’ co-founders $4.3B for reputational damage suffered by the 2 men in the original case.

When asked about the victory, Mr. McGuilicuddy, P.Geo. told 2P News that it’s not about the money, it’s about justice.

Antoine M., 2P News co-founder

“Justice has finally been served. I’m happy to know that this court battle is finally over and I can now get some well-deserved sleep. Darcy and I have been going through this for far too long.” – Antoine Mcguilicuddy, 2P News co-founder

With his share of the award, a staggering US$2.15B, Mr. McGuilicuddy first plans to secure a lifetime supply of Hostess Twinkies, just before fully restoring a Lada Niva to original condition. Other plans include going to China to buy his liver back, acquiring the world’s largest collection of crayons. Perhaps his biggest plan is to purchase Rideau Hall and evict Trudeau. Any remaining cash will be invested in SpaceX and BeerCoin.

Twinkies, many, many, many Twinkies.

Dr. Darcy Flowman has different ideas. The other 2P News co-founder will donate half of his award to his US-based colleague, William Shortspeare for all of his help over the years. Then he plans to upgrade the website and advertise a little bit to bring the loyal readership-base to over 30 people. He also plans to donate $1M to a cause to have Dr. Deena HeeHaw grow out her bangs.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Good day, Sir William. I received an email from my lawyer saying that the majority of the damages will be awarded in paper Canadian Tire money, which is now defunct. So I’m not even sure what’s going on. But you will be sure to see your half (or is that a quarter?), before long.

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